Archive for the 'blog' Category

Ain’t Nothing but a Horndog, Humping All the Time

Published on June 22, 2010 in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, blog, blow jobs, exhibitionism, horny, kink, masturbation, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sex, sex toys, shio, slut and squirting. 1 Comment

I got to go out last night alone with MasterDoc. While I positively love hanging out with him and DeeDee, it is nice to have time alone with him sometimes. I had been looking forward to going out and I was not at all disappointed.

We went to our usual swing club. Unfortunately MasterDoc started the evening in a bit of a bad mood. I slyly asked what I could do to improve it. He smiled at this and at some point he resolved to shake the mood he was in.

MasterDoc has become even more of a “dog” lately than usual (more on this later). He is craving lots and lots of varied pussy. So I tried catching eye of a woman he expressed interest in, while he was in the bathroom. She seemed like a totally stuck up bitch though and didn’t make eye contact with anyone. A guy I had zero interest in tried flirting with me as I talked and laughed with the guy who works at the club (the one I keep saying reminds me of comedian Bobby Lee). “You have a great laugh,” the guy said to me. Not a bad line at all, I just had no interest. Ladies, if you like being a bitch to men then a swing club on a night with single males is a great place to go. You can snub many, many men in one evening and pick and choose who you swing with. Early on in the night I glimpsed guy who fucked me recently at the club, though I didn’t see any recognition in his eyes as I walked by.

MasterDoc put us in the room with the large bed. We got naked and he joked about taking out his bad mood on me. I tell you, if that doesn’t give a submissive masochist mixed feelings I don’t know what does! Ultimately, he used my Ella dildo on me while I used the nea on my clit. I sucked his cock for a while and worked my hard-learned skills on his cock.

MasterDoc had me get on hands and knees to fuck me. Helpful hint: take the Ella dildo out before changing position. Ouch. MasterDoc fucked me from behind hard, so very hard. He varied speed and cadence as he always does and he just could do no wrong last night. I kept moaning and losing track of my surroundings. I loved how rough he was. As usual, I kept my face turned away from the gathering crowd. I may be an exhibitionistic slut, but I have a hard time looking at the people watching me. The fucking went on for a long time and he kept me on the edge, desperate to come. At one point he pounded my cervix too hard, and I cried out in pain. He paused for just a second, then he told me to come. He told me (for all to hear) to take the pain and turn it into an orgasm. Fuck. I came hard. He called me bitch. His ever so rigid cock kept fucking me as I came. If I started to quiet down a little, he fucked me hard and deep again and soon I was screaming in pleasure again. I came for a long time and squirted all over the bed.

After the orgasm I had a brief rest. (During which I thought about how fucking lucky I am!) Soon, he had me roll over onto my back, telling me to keep my eyes closed. He played with my cunt with his hands, and let some guy play with my tits. Despite accidentally opening my eyes now and then (foolish girl, I had forgotten to pack a blindfold), I never focused on the guy on my tits enough to see who it was. MasterDoc made me come, his fingers probing my g-spot, as I squirted again.

Just when I figured he’d want a break we’d get back to fooling around again. He handed the flashlight to a Hasid (you’d be surprised how often the Hasidim show up at this place – only the men though). The young Hasidic man held the flashlight so it shone on my pussy. He called me beautiful which is always a nice thing to hear. I wondered to myself what it must be like to be a part of such a repressive culture. I wondered what he thought of slutty women as a consequence – turned on by but think poorly of? I used the nea on my clit a bit as the light illuminated my ladybits. MasterDoc spread my labia wide so my anatomy was easy for all to see.

MasterDoc fucked me from behind again (his cock would not quit last night! Rowr!) as I used the nea on my clit. (Love it for that as it’s cordless and lightweight.) It was another hard fucking coupled with hard coming. MasterDoc suggested maybe fucking my ass next. I loved this idea. I squirted again and after the fuck I collapsed exhausted.

He asked me if I wanted to lick his ass to help him come. “Uh, I want to help you come,” I said evasively. I knew darn well what he wanted though – he wanted me to say that I wanted to lick his ass. Not happening. lol I told him he had to be content with my being willing to lick his ass. So glad my collar was not on last night!

So MasterDoc, ever the horndog, has been turning into a super dog thanks to testosterone supplements. He started getting hot flashes a while back – yes a man with hot flashes – but didn’t put his doctor thinking cap on to figure out why he would have such a thing. One of his other ladies searched the web, and suggested he might have a testosterone deficiency. Sure enough he does. (Can you imagine that all his previous activity has been done by a man in his mid-50′s with a testosterone deficiency?!) Supplemental testosterone has done amazing things to his penis as well as his already high libido. I would suggest he blog his horndog exploits but I’m sure he’ll be too busy finding and fucking pussy to do so. Any ladies in the New York City area who want a roll in the hay with the legendary MasterDoc should send me a note. I’d be thrilled to hook you up. (We also have a sybian!!)

As I had mentioned before, MasterDoc had been interested in that stuck up woman at the club. As she and her guy walked by us late in the evening, MasterDoc asked the couple how they liked the show (our earlier fucking). The guy liked it the woman didn’t! I replied loudly, “Well I sure as hell enjoyed it!” Bitch. She doesn’t know what she’s missing.

Before we had left the bedroom, MasterDoc spoke of fucking me up the ass on a couch in plain view (something we have done at this club before), but it was getting late. I went to bed that night a very happy, satisfied camper.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Published on May 10, 2010 in Uncategorized, anxiety, assault, blog, depression, emotions, mental illness, recovery and trauma. 7 Comments

I wrote the first draft of this on Saturday morning, when I was heavily in the midst of a post-traumatic stress disorder crisis. Sorry to say you don’t get any hot stories from the weekend as there pretty much weren’t any. This post is a bit meandering as it’s more about expressing my feelings than writing a well-written blog post.

Mental illness is something that you can’t just wish away. I’m as able to wish away bouts of post traumatic stress as much as I’m able to wish away a bout of diarrhea from ingesting dairy without lactaid. It’s frustrating. My rational brain can grasp the fact that I’m not in danger like I was during the trauma that gave me PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). It can grasp the fact that MasterDoc takes care of me now, and the same scenario wouldn’t happen again as he would never let it. But the primal brain, the part that was traumatized, can’t be reasoned with and so I go into a bout of panic, anxiety and helplessness as if I’m re-living the the trauma all over again. And again. And again.

Various things can trigger a bout of PTSD and it’s not always (or even often) possible to determine ahead of time what might set me off. I read stories about sexual violence regularly in feminist blogs; I think it’s vital to discuss it and that silence will only perpetuate the problem. But sometimes something hits me just the wrong way, or just on the wrong day, and I find myself struggling with the same feelings I had right after the assault.

What set me off this time was a combination of things: reading comments on a post about outing sexual predators was the big thing. People were telling the survivors that they should always go to the police and that if they didn’t report the incident then they were somehow responsible for the sexual predator attacking the next person (and yet they shouldn’t publicly name and shame the person). This of course is utter bullshit as the only person responsible for the inappropriate behavior of the attacker is the attacker. But it struck me deeply as I agonized for a long time over pursuing legal repercussions after I was sexually assaulted 5 years ago. I worried about the women who could be affected in future by this asshole who was incapable of empathy or taking responsibility for his actions. I ultimately decided not to file a report because in talking to the NYPD I found out that unless they were sure they could convict they wouldn’t even prosecute. At the time people who were there that night were making all sorts of excuses for the guy who traumatized me. (He hosted fun sex parties, no one wanted to be uninvited. From what I hear he still hosts parties. Yes, New York sluts, you may in fact attend the parties of someone who committed sexual assault without remorse.) I felt like I would be completely alone in my accusations, and considering I was barely keeping my head together at that point I knew that pursuing legal action would only serve to damage me more. I also worried about harassment from his friends if I spoke up. (I did receive a little harassment just from speaking up within the circle.) Now, it’s past the statute of limitations (I can’t tell you the agony I went through that year the statute was going to be up. Do I report? Do I not?) but in the past two years a few people have come forward from that night to tell me that, indeed, what that guy did was wrong and they have felt terrible about what I went through. It’s comforting, but I wish they could have spoken up when I could have gone to the police.

As for the guy who did it, well he’s still a part of the sex blogger community. He’s on twitter. He’s on Fetlife. Part of my trigger was thinking about how many of my blogger friends believe his facade of “nice guy” and don’t realize what he did to me. I feel like the world should know, but in this society we protect the perpetrators of sex crimes. Had he hit me, or mugged me, I wouldn’t hesitate to name him. But since it was sexual and I know that being at a sex party when it happened would be enough for the slut shaming to begin, I don’t feel safe hollering his name from the rooftops. Oh privately I have told many, but publicly I’ve been mostly circumspect. I’m sure if anyone questioned him about the incident, he would deftly turn things around and make me look like the bad one. (Just as he did after the assault. Nice guy, huh?)

I’ve heard from someone else that they heard the story of that incident from him and his telling is completely different. In his mind, I was a woman who decided to try to “destroy him online.” I find this rich considering I didn’t name who did it or hint at who did it in the aftermath (for at least 2 years). I merely blogged about the hell I was going through and from this dickhead I got things like emails telling me to stop using him as “blog fodder.” Most readers of the blog I had at that time didn’t know who had done it, so I don’t see how he was persecuted by my trying to process my feelings. (He sure didn’t like the comments people left about what an asshole he was. But these people didn’t know he, specifically, was the asshole.) He refused to take any sort of responsibility for his behavior, and one or two people close to him made excuses (“He was drunk.”) or one even went so far as to call me crazy. I’m not crazy. And this man who did this to me is clearly incapable of empathy. I’m not the only person to observe him and come to the conclusion that he likely has some sort of personality disorder. So while a part of me wants to hear an apology (5 years later and one still hasn’t appeared) I don’t really expect to ever get one, because he is so focused on how this incident affected him. (Isn’t that simply amazing? He traumatized and assaulted me and he feels that he’s the wronged party.) I’ve seen him concoct huge, involved, false stories about people I know because he imagines that they are persecuting him in some way. I’ve heard about others who have spoken out about him who have been incessantly harassed by his minions. Intellectually I know this man will never feel remorse for what he did to me. And this is supremely frustrating because his actions can still affect me deeply 5 years later. When will it stop? I don’t know that the flashbacks will ever stop. I don’t know that the self-blaming will ever stop. I don’t know that my fears of him hurting other women will ever stop. A few years back a woman I was dating turned out to go to his parties. I felt panicked for her because I was afraid if he knew I knew her then he’d do something to her too. That incident was a total trigger for me. I went home and cried.

I’ve spent the past three and a half days trying to distract myself from the feeling of being re-traumatized. But it’s not something that can be simply ignored. I keep going through endless cycles of panic coming on, followed by extreme frustration that I could be happy and having hot sex right about now, but instead I’m feeling violated and fearful. When I’m triggered, I live the trauma all over again. Over the weekend I was psychically in the space where I was during/after the assault: scared, helpless, panicked, angry. I find myself questioning if going to a sex party makes it somehow okay for someone to put a speculum inside you without having negotiated it (or ANY play) with you beforehand. I find myself angry that I didn’t stop him before he put it in my cunt and jabbed me with it. (I had a tender spot inside my vagina for about a year after the event.) But at the time I firmly believed that if I said stop he would stop. He didn’t. And you can’t just jump up and run out of a room with an open speculum inside you. I had to rely on this asshole taking it out of me. With enough panic coursing through me I decided to end things there and then by drawing all attention to what was going on. And while I’m proud of the strength it took for me to do that, I was already traumatized at that point.

It’s been a long trip back from there to where I am now (on most days). It’s taken a long time for me to trust my dark fantasies to MasterDoc. I often fear that someone will use these fantasies against me, like how after the assault someone commented on my blog and cited my talking about using a speculum to see my cervix as an indication that I consented to this guy, who I had never played with before, to use one with me sexually. (Keep in mind any discussion of speculums on my blog were related to viewing my cervix and not at all sexual fantasy-related.) I find myself often afraid to admit to things especially without putting in the caveat that I want to do them “with MasterDoc.” He’s the only person I feel safe enough with to indulge the dark, kinky fantasies I’ve always had.

Simply talking about something does not equal consenting to doing it.

I’d name this asshole right here, right now and link to his blog, only I fear the harassment that would ensue. I’ve dealt with enough hell from this person. Right now about the only thing I can do is hope he dies a slow, painful death. And I hope that I can move past this anger that plunges me into depression whenever I’m triggered.

I write this for me. I write this because I feel better having gotten it out. Douchebag, this ultimately has nothing to do with you. If I wanted to persecute you I’d be going about it in an entirely different way.

Giving Credit Where Credit is Due

Published on December 24, 2009 in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, blog, dom, musings and show. 3 Comments

I receive a lot of compliments on this blog, and I appreciate them all. I put in the time and effort to write it. But I want to point out that the blog would be very, very different without MasterDoc. He comes up with the things we do, and it’s his deviant mind that provides the tales I relate here.

This reminds me of one of his favorite stories. Apparently he was out at a bdsm club years ago with his lady at the time. He did all sorts of hot, kinky shit to her and after, a guy comes over to her and says, “Wow, that was really hot!”

MasterDoc says to him, “Excuse me, but when you go to a magic show, do you compliment the wand?”

It’s time I pointed out the magician behind the magic here.

I can hear him now, “Aw babe, you didn’t have to do that.” But I’m sure at the same time he’ll be thrilled.

BTS’ Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2009

Published on November 8, 2009 in best sex bloggers, blog, blogs and sex. 2 Comments

I made Between the Sheets’ top 100 list again – and I’m #20, up from #39 last year. Whoo hoo! Thank you to anyone who nominated me, and to the judges (whoever you are) who apparently rated me well. I hope to keep going strong in the coming year! Please check out the list below as there’s so many wonderful sex bloggers. Many I follow, others I will have to see if I can fit them into my feed reader! Rori’s original post is here. As a judge, I can tell you that we each got a group of blogs to rate, and each blog had more than one judge rate them, so that there’s some balance in the judging. Final decisions were Rori’s (of Between the Sheets).

It’s here. Finally. I promised it earlier, I know. Life got in the way (I’ll talk about it in my next post). That, and I had well over 150 unique nominations this year, counting all the comments and the nominations I received via email. Last year, I didn’t get nearly as many, and a good number of the nominations were my own.

I first compiled this list last year as a way to recognize the people who are courageous enough to put their lives or fantasies or opinions (or all three and more) out there to entertain and inspire the rest of us. I also hoped that this would bring new readers to every blogger on the list, and I had hoped that it would be an icebreaker way for bloggers to get to know one another. It was a smashing success, so I decided to make it an annal event.

This year, I had a number of other sex bloggers and readers help me with the judging. Special thanks to:

If you helped me and I missed your name or linked your incorrectly, PLEASE email me so I can fix it. For example else, you can say “thanks for the list” by visiting all of these websites and getting to know these wonderful men and women.

At the end of the day, even with the help of all the other judges, there were still ties or moments when I just felt like a certain blogger was being judged too harshly. This is still my list, still my opinion. So if you have beef, take it up with me, not with any of the other judges.

And now, without further ado, the Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2009:

  1. Coquitten (website)
  2. Alexa (website)
  3. AAG (website)
  4. Bad, Bad Girl (website)
  5. TBK (website)
  6. Mistress Matisse (website)
  7. Miss Mia (website)
  8. Thursday’s Child (website)
  9. Roger (website)
  10. Sinclair (website)
  11. Sylvanus…
  12. and Mina (website)
  13. Natt Nightly (website)
  14. Jake (website)
  15. Lyn (website)
  16. Adriana Ravenlust (website)
  17. Sexy Sadie (website)
  18. Shay (website)
  19. Lilly (website)
  20. Nadia (website)
  21. Joan Price (website)
  22. Madison (website)
  23. Anal Amy (website)
  24. Z (website)
  25. Essin Em (website)
  26. Easily Aroused (website)
  27. Blacksilk (website)
  28. Sleeping Dreamer (website)
  29. Melen…
  30. and rayne…
  31. and Master KKT…
  32. and cinnamon (website)
  33. That Toy Chick (website)
  34. Red (website)
  35. Tom Allen (website)
  36. Vix (website)
  37. Coy Pink (website)
  38. Lady Pandorah (website)
  39. BackseatBoohoo (website)
  40. Epiphora (website)
  41. Aurore (website)
  42. Miss KissThis (website)
  43. Storm (website)
  44. Ron Jazz (website)
  45. Josie Jacobs (website)
  46. Distracted (website)
  47. Deviant Dyke (website)
  48. Joanna Cake (website)
  49. Sapphire Jay (website)
  50. Sarah (website)
  51. Kimberly (website)
  52. Duchess (website)
  53. Figleaf (website)
  54. The Caged Songbird (website)
  55. Kaya (website)
  56. Ms. Justine (website)
  57. Luka (website)
  58. Ang (website)
  59. Perverted Negress (website)
  60. Harlot (website)
  61. Vixen (website)
  62. Anakan…
  63. and Padme (website)
  64. Wilhemina (website)
  65. Axe (website)
  66. Amber (website)
  67. Lucy Vonne (website)
  68. Rogue (website)
  69. SSS (website)
  70. Kyle (website)
  71. Amorous Rocker (website)
  72. Sera (website)
  73. Lolita Wolf (website)
  74. Elle (website)
  75. Scarlet St Syr (website)
  76. Charlotte Thorpe (website)
  77. An Unassuming Girl (website)
  78. Maymay (website)
  79. True Pleasure (website)
  80. Bad Influence Girl (website)
  81. Diva (website)
  82. Raven Quince (website)
  83. Autumn (website)
  84. Vanilla Impaired (website)
  85. Wil (website)
  86. Rayne (website)
  87. Panthera Pardus (website)
  88. Ell (website)
  89. Miss Communication…
  90. and Captain Pants…
  91. and A.E. (website)
  92. Roxy (website)
  93. Secretly Naughty (website)
  94. Abby Williams (website)
  95. Subheart (website)
  96. Sequoia Redd (website)
  97. Innocent Loveboy (website)
  98. Liljgrrl…
  99. and Nawa*G (website)
  • YOU! As always that last person on the list is you. Please, please, please leave a comment below promoting your own blog (or the blog of someone you love). Links are welcome, as long as they lead us to a sex-related blog, not a retail website or porn aggregation site.

    • Par-tay (with the Sex Bloggers)

    Published on November 7, 2009 in Uncategorized, Vienna sausages, blog, blogs, sex work awareness, slut and snark. 5 Comments

    Wow. The NY Sex Blogger Calendar party was packed! (Have you gotten your calendar yet? I got mine!) I got to meet a load of people – probably too many to list. I’ve given shout outs to many on twitter. I know I forgot a few people, and I apologize. I hate to leave anyone out! Diva and Tess did a fabulous job putting this party together. I’m happy to say I helped out a bit with raffle tickets and the raffle table. However, I didn’t win a single thing in the raffle. *sigh* There was a lot of stuff I’d wanted too (Njoy Eleven, For Your Nymphomation Rolling Toy Trunk, Lelo Gigi – I will keep praying to the gods of sex toys for these things). Hopefully a lot of money was raised for Sex Work Awareness. I have to remind myself that my raffle tickets were purchased to support a good cause.

    It was really neat to know so many people this year – I didn’t know nearly as many last year when I went to the party. It’s much more fun when you know people, and a few people introduced themselves to me after seeing my name tag and my “I’m a librarian, bitch!” button. There were plenty of friendly people I chatted briefly with who I didn’t know (and didn’t know me). I ran into two people (just two!) who I’ve had sex with – one man and one woman. I suppose since MasterDoc was there that makes it three people I’ve slept with who attended the party. You’d think in a room full of sluts I’d have had more!

    I looked great if I do say so myself. I wore a black dress that’s draped in the front (so that my breasts really stand out) and I put the leather bondage waist cincher I bought at Floating World over it. Rowr. Much more comfortable than I thought it might be. I was smart and wore flats. My new heels would have looked wonderful, but knowing how I felt about them the weekend before, I would have been miserable in those things. I went for cleavage not only because it’s an asset I like to play up, but also because I knew there would be lots of other cleavage to compete with. My one sartorial complaint? Fishnet stockings turn into toe bondage in short order. My poor toes were tangled all night.

    The only minor blip was that I saw the douchenozzle who sexually assaulted me in 2005. It was the first time since the assault that I’ve seen him and I feared for years how I would react. But you know, I didn’t feel much of anything. Perhaps some glee that the bastard has lost A LOT of hair (particularly obvious when seen from above in the loft area, I mean, the man is balding.). But the feared reactions:  either anxiety, depression, fear or unbridled rage that propels me to strangle the dickhead did not happen. Hallelujah! It’s like a big bugaboo in my anxiety closet has been eliminated. It’s been another step in healing and moving on. Anyway, in honor of my wonderfully neutral reaction to seeing him, here’s the (humorous) song I thought of when I spotted him. (It’s the title that’s most apropos.)

    MasterDoc was there with me and despite both of us not being fond of crowds we had a decent time. (It helped that mid-party we left and got food at the dumpling place down the block.) Unfortunately I left without saying good bye to people. But my blogger pals, please know I was thrilled to meet you! I got to have Butchtastic Kyle‘s face smooshed into my boobs, and great hugs from Roxy, Bad Bad Girl, Dangerous Lilly. Roxy and Kyle were all over each other as you would expect. Mina Meow looked fab in a tux with corset early in the evening and a dress later. Her girlfriend A Secret Freak was there as well. (Writing this up makes me realize how out of date my blog roll is compared to the blogs in my reader. I will fix this soon.) I only wish that every sex blogger I know could have been there for me to meet.

    _________________________________________

    As an aside, MasterDoc asked me not to post the bits I put into the Wishing Box. He pointed out that that might be construed as topping from the bottom if expectations are put on what I put in there. It’s ongoing that I will put ideas in the box, and as the Dom he will decide when, where and if we do them. (And to be honest, I’m happy with it being that way.)

    This afternoon when I woke up from my nap he got me. As I walked into the living room he picked up the box and said, “Let’s pick one from the box. Let’s see, what did we get? Oh yes, ‘please use the Vienna sausages.’”

    Doh! He’s a sadistic man. He rigged the box, as I definitely did NOT put that in there. We laughed pretty hard. The chicken Vienna sausages sit on the living room table as a threat, but for now, he’s not done anything with them. (And I’m too well behaved a sub to hide them.)

    First Night at the Club in a Long Time

    Published on October 14, 2009 in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, bisexuality, blog, blow jobs, cunnilingus, cunt, dom, flogging, gums, kink, non-monogamy, orgasm denial, poly, sex, sex parties, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive and swinging. 1 Comment

    MasterDoc and I had a wonderful time at a swing club on Saturday night. We hadn’t been to one in quite a while, and that night was a special bdsm/swing party going on – totally up our alley.

    When we got to the club, there were some couples already hanging about. We walked around, checking out how they’ve changed the decor, and commenting on how they made the club look better with decorations, but they still have the same crappy beds. As we stood in the central area, I started feeling some of the social anxiety that hits me at times. I let MasterDoc know that I was feeling anxious. He promptly took me to one of the private rooms so I could cuddle him and feel better. I couldn’t wait to wear my collar – it helps with anxiety because I focus on being sub with the collar on. I start to ignore my surroundings and focus on being an obedient submissive. As we started to fool around, I kept wavering between self-consciousness and being absorbed in sex. I realized that the whole “I-feel-more-secure-naked-than-with-my-clothes-on” stems from where my focus is. When I’m being beaten, or I’m having sex, or giving a blow job, my focus is on that act and how it feels to me and my partner, and so I cease being anxious about the other people around me. MasterDoc went down on me and I mostly kept my eyes closed so that I could focus on the sensation of him toying with my clit. A lady ducked her head in, and at first seemed shocked that she interrupted us, but quickly she took a seat so she could watch. He had me suck his cock, and again, I loved being absorbed in it. My collar was on by this time, and I was blissfully in slut mode.

    MasterDoc fucked me from behind – HARD. By this time my getting into submissive-slut headspace was complete. I yearned to come, and yet deep down I like the tease. It feels wonderful but eventually you need to have a release. I came extremely hard and he thrust his cock inside me. When my muscles pushed his cock out he kept me coming with his hands. I was squirting over and over again as I sank into the bed. The sheets were completely soaked. I lay there for a while, catching my breath.

    We went to tell the owner that the bed needed new sheets (we took the wet ones and tossed them in the laundry basket). Thankfully, MasterDoc did not make me tell the owner what had happened. I suppose I shouldn’t be embarrassed by squirting, but it can be a bit daunting to proclaim you’ve made a mess, no matter how you’ve made it.

    After we informed the owner, we ended up talking with couple who want to be dubbed Sid and Nancy who were visiting New York from Saskatchewan (Canada, in case you didn’t know).  They were a very nice looking couple and the husband had a very funny sense of dry humor. We sat talking with them, and they asked us lots of questions about bdsm. Explaining the ins and outs of our relationship really piqued the interest of the wife, Nancy, but they both seemed a bit put off when we explained the whole polyamory thing. “Yes, we both sleep with other people. Yes, we sleep with each other.” Overall they were really nice to talk to and hang out with and I didn’t mind their questions. Often, MasterDoc likes to threaten to command me to have sex with some really fugly guy – but when I met this couple I was hoping he’d “make” me have sex with them. (Hee hee as in, damn they were cute. Please, please make me.) But while this couple is exploring their sexuality and having experiences they don’t swap with others.

    We showed them some of the toys we had brought with us. I have a new paddle that imprints the word “slut” on you (most of the time). I showed them the imprint on the inside of my arm (I hit myself so hard that I have a bruise. Happy to say you can’t read any letters though.) Nancy was really curious about my collar and she wanted to put it on. I let her and she wore it for quite a while. Since it was clear she was interested in bdsm, MasterDoc start doing his Dom thing. It’s  fantastic to watch. He knows that there’s way more to being a Dom than ordering people about and hitting them. He takes his time getting eye contact with the submissive and developing a sense of trust and connection; gently touching her face, being calming. I love watching him do it, he’s so good at it!

    Nancy was up for a spanking, so we adjourned to the bdsm room. MasterDoc spanked her, and her husband (Sid) took a turn and clearly he had done it before. He tried the little flogger and gave Sid some lessons on it. (He needs practice with the flogger {raises hand to volunteer!}, but he was very comfortable with the paddle.) MasterDoc had me get the Acuvibe Mini out and he used it on her clit while hubby spanked her. She sat up on the spanking bench to grind her cunt into the vibe. It was extremely hot to watch!

    After the spanking, Sid and Nancy went back to the smoking area to have cigarettes. We talked some more, laughing a lot. When Nancy found out I’m bi she seemed quite interested. As I got up to get ready to leave, she came over and told me that apparently nipple color is supposed to match the color of your gums and she took my breasts out of my low-cut top to take a look. I reciprocated, so she’d know that the interest was mutual. We exchanged contact information with this couple (they come to New York a few times a year) and gave them this blog address. Hopefully we will keep in touch with them. I’m always quite happy to explain things about living an open, sex-positive, slutty, kinky life to newbies – I have such an amazing time with my life that I’m fanatical about sharing it.

    Floating World, Day Three

    Published on August 25, 2009 in D/s, DeeDee, Floating World, Uncategorized, bdsm, best sex bloggers, bisexuality, blog, blogs, bondage, cunnilingus, cunt, edge play, exhibitionism, kink, lesbian, masochism, non-monogamy, orgasm on command, poly, sadism, sex, sex parties, sex toys, sexuality, submissive, sybian and threesome. 2 Comments

    After breakfast, the last day, MasterDoc and I went to the erotic hypnosis lecture. (I had developed a mini-crush on Lee Harrington the day before. I suddenly find myself attracted to butches and transmen when I wasn’t before. He is smart, funny and wonderful at leading a class… I’m smitten.) MasterDoc was hoping for a more detailed look at how to put a sub into trance, but I thought there was a good bit of info there. Next we went to the deep head space exploration lecture for a bit. I was tired and getting drowsy, plus the lecture seemed to get a little repetitive (a lot of stuff was also in the consensual non-consent class the day before). We snuck out early, got me a soda to wake me up and wandered around. MD went to check his cell phone for messages (keeping him apart from his Palm is a terrible thing). I went to vending and gave in to buying leather bondage waist cincher. I will try to get a photo of it on here in the coming days. I feel sexy in it and MasterDoc seemed to like it.

    I got to meet Mollena, who I really wanted to meet. I love her blog, she’s an excellent writer and also does bdsm education (she did three classes at Floating World this past weekend). So I was all fan girl meeting her and when I told her I write Diary of a Kinky Librarian she stepped back, and bowed to me with arms outstretched above her head. I couldn’t believe it! I feel like I’m such a nobody and to have that reaction was really nice. She gave me a hug and I really hope I get the chance to hang out and talk with her at another event down the road. (I was hurrying off to a class at the time.)

    I went to the managing a household lecture and picked up some tips and inspiration for being better at the service submissive side of things. After, I luckily found MasterDoc and DeeDee quickly – DeeDee had given in to buying a corset herself. MD said he wondered where I was and when I said I went to the household management class like I said I was going to – MD said he had thought it was a joke. But no, no joke. We went to vending at this time and he bought three canes as the deal was three for $50. We shall see how I like them when we try them out.

    We went out for dinner, then back to DeeDee’s hotel room for a threesome. Since she hadn’t yet had an orgasm or sex that weekend, and in appreciation for giving MasterDoc and I time alone the night before, we focused on DeeDee (at least that was my inspiration). It was loads of fun. She lay on the bed naked between us. MasterDoc kissed her while I played with her nipples. I stroked her body as he went down on her for a while, and he popped his head up for a moment to tell me to be ready to take over. So when he finished I got between her legs and licked her cunt while he played with her upper half and kissed her. After a bit, I slid a finger in and stroked where I thought her g-spot was. (Yes, I’m a little clueless even after all this time – I estimate the location.) And later added a second finger. Her moans were enough to tell me I was doing a good job.

    MasterDoc handed me the magic wand and I pressed it to her clit. She was in danger of coming (without having permission yet) and so I had to back off with the wand a little. MasterDoc got her on all fours and fucked her while I pressed the wand to her clit. She had to help reposition it a few times (you try keeping a wand on a clit that keeps moving as the woman gets fucked and you’re reaching around and under her!) She did get permission to come and came pretty hard. I really enjoyed watching and participating. It was all very hot. After, she said to me, “Nadia, you really know your way around a woman’s body!” So very nice to hear.

    We got dressed and went to the play space (me in leather cincher and plaid schoolgirl skirt). MasterDoc’s sybian came out for the first time and we got it set up in the play area on a mat. I got to ride it first – the other two ladies lined up were nervous. I grinded my crotch into the machine as it vibrated against me. I begged for permission to come and was allowed to come right away. I came like a woman possessed. Jaw slack, moaning, screaming, crying out, “Oh fuck!” He kept me on there for a good long while and I came over and over again. He slapped my face a few times and I just loved it.

    After me, another Dom’s sub had a ride.  (He is the person who was at the party where I was assaulted who wrote to me via MasterDoc recently on fetlife to apologize for not speaking up. Anyway, we were friendly with him and his subs over the weekend.) She enjoyed herself, but didn’t come. She had gotten on with her panties on as it was that time of the month, and the lace fabric between her and the machine made the situation less than ideal. But she did enjoy it and wants to try again sometime. Her Dom cuddled her on the futon we had laid next to the sybian mat and I chatted with them while DeeDee got prepared for her ride. (This other sub is in library school – I ran into a fair number of librarians there!)

    DeeDee received her first ride. It was fun to watch and MasterDoc motioned to me to get the paddle for him.  He used the paddle a bit as she moaned and came. He handed it to me and had me paddle her butt as well. Then he had me slap her ass with my bare hand for a while. She was on the sybian a while and seemed to have a wonderful time. She also needed to lay on the futon and receive some after care. I cleaned up our stuff when it became apparent that no one else wanted to give the sybian a ride. (Their loss!) And I joined MasterDoc and DeeDee on the futon as I had very few cuddles that day. I was saying goodbye to MD and DeeDee shortly after that, and heading home. MasterDoc spent the extra night with DeeDee and took the train home in the morning.

    Odds and ends: I loved how there was acceptance of so many kinks. There’s plenty of things there that I have no interest in doing (they just don’t turn me on) but people were free to do whatever they were into (within reason) fire play, pony play, age play, needles, blood, suspension, bondage, spanking, flogging, etc. etc. There was a diverse crowd there – women from Lesbian Sex Mafia, queer people of all stripes, straights, pansexuals, etc. and a great deal of acceptance for people being who they were.

    We ran into some people we knew from around New York – the Dom that had come over months before with his three submissives – he was there with slave number one.  I had hoped to run into someone I knew on fetlife who likes this blog, but she and I never managed to cross paths although she did run into MasterDoc in the hall at the hotel and introduced herself. It was nice to become friendly with that Dom who knew me from the bad party years ago. I saw Vera from FYN and chatted for a while. (And suggested that I can help write copy in exchange for product! I have copywriting experience.) We saw S’s daughter there (along with her friend the librarian I had a couple of dates with a while back who was with her when I saw her at In The Flesh). It was a little awkward as she’s not comfortable around MasterDoc (as he’s schtupping her mother and could conceivably tell her mother about her activities. Granted, her mother and her each know the other is kinky, but of course the details end there.) but she made a point to say hello to me when he wasn’t nearby. I saw MinaMeow and her girlfriend, and one woman Davey dates. I got to meet John Baku and remind him of the interview I did with him for Best Sex Bloggers that never got published. (He didn’t like how he sounded, and he’s not much for writing. I told him to let me know what he wants to say and I will work out how to write it. It’s not investigative journalism, more of a puff piece.) Anyway I’m not to worried about it at this point. It may never see the light of day.)

    All in all, I had a good weekend, and I got home late on Sunday night. I was spent.

    Beat Me til the Endorphins Flow

    Published on August 18, 2009 in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, bdsm, blog, cunt, flogging, kink, masochism, masturbation, poly, sadism, spanking, stress and vacation. 3 Comments

    I’m enjoying a staycation this week, mostly knocking about the local area and crashing at MasterDoc’s. I thought I’d be home half the time, but I’ve ended up at MasterDoc’s more than I thought I would. I took myself out for afternoon tea today, and it was a lovely way to spend an hour (while reading). Today has been fairly relaxing. I’m going to do a little cleaning around MasterDoc’s, but nothing terribly taxing.
    I had a hard time yesterday; Davey and I are having issues in our relationship and we had a difficult talk the night before. I don’t want to go into detail here, but I’m hoping we can work things out. Talking with MasterDoc and getting cuddles from him yesterday helped me get some focus on the issue. Plus, he gave me a beating I sorely needed.

    Last night I was interviewed by The Oh Team for their online radio show. I’ve never been interviewed like that before but I had a good time and it was easy to talk since the topic was sex. Their podcasts are available free on iTunes, so be sure to give my episode a listen when it becomes available (8/17/09).  During the show, the hosts remarked that I should be spanked for having not listened to any of their shows before going on. I didn’t quite notice, since I was focusing on the interview at hand, but MasterDoc (who had been listening to the broadcast in the next room) ducked his head in and swung his hand back and forth, miming giving a spanking. Hee hee. I did point out to the hosts, however, that I was getting a beating that night from my Dom, if that made them feel any better.

    So after the show, me and MasterDoc met up in the spare bedroom. He was feeling sorta cuddly at that moment so we cuddled for a bit, but he did manage to psych himself up for giving me a beating. I was definitely overdue for one – I’ve been out of sorts lately. The beating was fantastic – hands and floggers and the mean strap. He’d start out light, at a level where the beating is more like a massage, but then work up to something more intense, and the pain would start. He takes me into the pain zone, keeps me there a short while, and then backs off to a tolerable level. He’s very good at telling when I’m reaching my limit – I make noise when it hurts too much. Up and down the level of intensity goes until I’m in another place entirely – not only in my head, but I’m very much in my body as well. The outside world ceases to exist – it’s similar to meditation in that way.

    He had me flip over and sit up, and he flogged my breasts and inner thighs. He snapped the flogger hard against my left nipple around three times, and the pain was something else. He took a moment, reminded me to breathe deeply, and then he flogged some more. It’s funny, when something really hurts I want it to stop, but then if he did stop, I think I’d be terribly disappointed.

    He had me get back on hands and knees and beat me some more. I think I had fallen into the rhythm of the beating by this point, and mostly surrendered to whatever pain it brought me. He told me I could play with my cunt, so I did. I wasn’t sure if I could get my arousal up to a point where I could come, but then he prodded me, by telling me I could continue or stop. When given the choice I opted to continue – somehow his suggesting I stop suddenly turned me on to no end and I wanted to come. I rubbed my clit furiously with my right hand while supporting myself on my left arm. He beat me some more and the beating brought me even closer to orgasm. He gave me permission to masturbate to orgasm if I liked and hitting me just intensified rush of pleasure in my clit. The hitting helped me reach orgasm, and I was happily surprised to reach it that way, since I’m very much used to having a vibe on my clit and not using just my hand to get off. I stroked my clit feverishly as I came, I could feel my diva cup inside me as my vaginal muscles clenched around it. (I have my period.)

    For once I didn’t keep going until he had to tell me to stop, I wound down slowly and brought my hand away from my clit. MasterDoc told me I could fall forward and I lay on my stomach, catching my breath and basking in the afterglow. He climbed into bed next to me, cuddled me, and I could feel the endorphins rushing through my veins. It was quite similar to taking a drug (like, say, ecstasy) and my mood was elevated and the feel of endorphins rushing around my body felt amazing. I wish everyone could understand how a beating can be soothing, invigorating, arousing and an act of love.

    As an aside, at some point during the evening we commented on the idea of how I’ll be handy when MasterDoc is in his dotage and needs an adult diaper. Heh, I can’t remember exactly how we got on the subject, but it’s probably just as well I don’t share it. It dawned on me then, that a submissive would be more ready for such intimate care than, say, someone in a vanilla relationship. After all, in my vanilla relationship, if we use an anal toy, you wash it if it’s been in your ass. But in a D/s situation, the sub washes it regardless. After being so intimate as to wash your Dom’s anal toys, to massage his ass in great detail to help him get to orgasm, and even having had a bit of his poo on your finger after having it up his ass, you’re quite set to do something like change an adult diaper. While some vanillas do know their partner’s ass pretty intimately, I think that level is more likely to exist in a D/s relationship.

    Today I have a small bruise on one ass cheek – it’s really a pity that I don’t bruise anymore. I think there’s also a small bruise on my inner thigh. But nothing like the colorful marks that were left when he first started beating me two years ago. (I still bruise easily on my arms and legs when I bump into things – I’m a total klutz – but my spanking zone doesn’t really bruise anymore.)

    Listen to Nadia!

    Published on August 15, 2009 in audio, blog and educatedsluts. 0 Comments

    On Monday night I’m supposed to be interviewed via skype by the guys at The Oh Team. Not sure what to expect, as I haven’t had time to listen to their show (Yes, bad blogger!) but they contacted me after I announced my Educated Sluts list. Be sure to give it a listen. (I’m supposed to be interviewed in the second hour of the show – after 8 pm.)

    Ch-ch-ch-changes

    Published on August 15, 2009 in Uncategorized, bdsm, blog, dating, libido, new site, sex and squirting. 0 Comments

    I’ve put off blogging this week because lots of work and tweaks have been going on with my blog. I gave my friend Max Malini free reign and he’s done tons of stuff to work on my site. Alas, in the shuffle a few entries have gone missing. I hope to get them restored. (Including my HNT for this week, which had some positive reactions. UPDATE: It’s restored but some recent comments are missing from the blog.) Hopefully I’m not getting terrible ratings in the 100 best sexy bloggers judging in the meanwhile. More changes are to come! You can now find me at www.diaryofakinkylibrarian.com as well as www.kinkylibrarian.net. No need to update links – forwarding works.

    I’ve had a mostly quiet week, eagerly anticipating my vacation and Floating World next week. This morning I did a happy dance when I woke up to use the bathroom and discovered that my period had started. This means it will be done by the time I go to Floating World – I am thrilled!

    I saw MasterDoc on Tuesday evening, and for once we had something that we don’t usually have – so-so sex. Yes, despite the sexual chemistry we usually have, we were both feeling a bit “off” that night and had a hard time getting into things. Eventually he did make me come with the magic wand, which was orgasmic and wonderful like usual (he seems to be making me come for extra long periods lately – hooray!). He fucked me from behind after that, and it felt wonderful, even if it wasn’t quite up to our usual level of sparks. I did, however squirt both from the magic wand and from being fucked. (So even so-so sex between us ends up being pretty damn good!)

    I’ve been fairly horny this week, I think the hormonal shifts before menstruation have a lot to do with that. I get to see MasterDoc again all day Monday.  I can’t wait! I also feel like I could use a good beating. I have date number two coming up next week with the guy I had a good date with last weekend – and that should certainly be interesting. Stay tuned for next week to be much more exciting than this week was.