Addendum: I thought I had written about this sort of behavior before – from January, Being Promiscuous Doesn’t Necessarily Mean I Will Fuck You.
Most of the people I’ve interacted with online since starting this blog have been wonderful. Up until the other day I had a chat widget on here that enabled me to chat with readers whenever I was logged into my Digsby aggregator. Every so often someone would say hello and it was pleasant to talk to people, answer sexuality questions and receive compliments. However, someone has ruined this for the rest of you now.
A blog reader (whose IP I have logged, I know you’re in New Jersey) has been going back and forth between my blog and Coy Pink’s for the past few days. He tries to talk to us via our pingbox/chat widget and if one doesn’t respond he quickly goes to the other. He is demanding in his tone and I got sick of his badgering me (not to mention inappropriate behavior when chatting with me) so I deleted the chat widget.
The chat started off friendly enough with some compliments. I always try to be gracious when someone contacts me because I really have no reason not to be. However, even when I said that I didn’t want to talk right then because I wanted to work on a blog entry, he kept messaging me a few more times because I still appeared online. By the time I made my excuses and finished the conversation (which I did mainly so I could blog in peace and quiet) he had stepped over a line by telling me that he was picturing fucking me from behind.
Seriously, this shit is creepy. I am a woman, a sexual assault/rape survivor and I live in a culture where rape is rampant. I don’t want some completely anonymous guy who I have no information about telling me what he “wants” to do to me. It’s nice to want, buddy, but seriously, I don’t want to hear it. However, being nice to people and going down the path of least resistance is my usual modus operandi so I simply got the conversation to end. Also, he started talking about wanting to play with me and how he’s into dominance. I made it clear that MasterDoc is the person to talk to since who I do bdsm play with is his choice.
Later that evening, he contacted me again. I had said I might be available to chat after a certain time so it was to be expected. Coy Pink and I had compared notes by this time (he mentioned that he had talked to her). This time, he started in right away trying to dominate me. It was nearing bedtime, so I had even less patience for that shit than usual. I told him straight out that I don’t appreciate someone who isn’t MasterDoc trying to tell me what to do. He apologized, but tried the same shit a short while later. I was tired and in no mood to talk, so the conversation ended. (But not until he had said that he was just seeing if we were on the same wavelength – yes this dude tried to frame his attempt at domming me as a “test.” I call bullshit.) However, Coy Pink saw him pop up on her site and try to talk to her. Apparently he spent a good amount of time going back and forth between her blog and mine. This stalker behavior is fucking creepy. And yes, it is stalker behavior. He sent me more instant messages apologizing for his behavior earlier.
I was away from my digsby for all of Friday, but as soon as I logged in on Saturday – yes, AS SOON AS I LOGGED IN – he messaged me. And he continued to message me every few minutes even though I didn’t respond. He had already messaged Coy Pink the second she logged on on Friday and Saturday. Coy has had more patience than I when it came to ignoring him or tersely replying to his messages. I have had no patience for it. I should not feel like I’m being stalked when I log in online. So I deleted my chat widget. Of course, today he messaged Coy – AS SOON AS SHE LOGGED IN – and asked why the widget was gone on my site.
It’s arguable that I should have told him to fuck off directly, but I’m a very non-confrontational person. However, creepy stalker guy from NJ? Fuck off. Do not contact me ever again. Ever. Your behavior is NOT acceptable and I want nothing to do with you. Also stop contacting Coy Pink. Take the hint, it is not okay to contact us.
Unfortunately, female sex bloggers sometimes have to deal with all sorts of creepy and douchey behavior from men. Dangerous Lilly had an incident on a dating site a last year. Other bloggers have dealt with all manner of assholery. I thought it might be useful to give men guidelines for contacting their favorite sex bloggers:
1. Be respectful. I am a human being and deserving of respect. My being sexually free does not mean you can accost me with sex talk. I am an educated, intelligent, professional woman. I am only a slut for MasterDoc.
2. You DO NOT KNOW ME. It may feel like that if you’ve read for a while, but only a tiny piece of my life and who I am appears on this blog.
3. I DO NOT KNOW YOU. I don’t have the advantage of reading a blog filled with your innermost thoughts and sexy adventures. I know absolutely nothing about you. Approaching me to see if I’d consider playing with you is not appropriate. Let me know who you are, let me get to know you, then approach the subject – this does not mean approaching the subject the same night or even same week you first contacted me.
4. If I turn you down, or if I ignore your messages, this is my right. I do not owe you a response. Do not keep contacting me multiple times a day. I do not owe you sex. I do not even owe you sexy talk when you want to wank. I’m glad that people enjoy my blog and the few pictures I put up, but I really don’t want to hear anything more explicit than, “Your stories/pictures are hot. Thank you for sharing them.”
5. Stalking my blog or any other blog is creepy and inappropriate. And likely to get your IP address turned over to the police.
6. I have plenty of friends, so don’t be surprised if I don’t make the effort to pursue a friendship with you. Even if you seem nice I probably don’t have the time or inclination right now.
If this sounds bitchy it’s because I feel the need to be firm and direct with the creepazoids of the internet. As I said earlier, most people I’ve heard from have been wonderful. People who are nice and respectful may have some hope of meeting and hanging out with me. People who go on about fucking me when I know nothing about them will get blocked. It’s not that I’m all that but being a sexually open woman does tend to attract people. Just because I write about my sex life in detail does not mean I will fuck anyone. Just because I’m slutty doesn’t mean I will meet you.
Here’s the stalker’s history on my blog today:
Comments